Cosmo Bride Don't Know Shit About Bikes

So I'm staggering through my local stupormarket and stumble across the magazine section. Oh look, a wedding magazine, with the happy couple draped fashionably across a classic vintage mixte, or somesuch bollocks. "Hmm," I wonder, "is this going to be some kind of mainstream appropriation of the headline-grabbing hippy bike wedding nonsense, or are they going to fuck it up?


Hmm, that's a pretty shitty paint job on the ... brake? Oh, hell no!



It's a motherfucking Ghost Bike. Ghost bikes are "small and somber memorials for bicyclists who are killed or hit on the street. A bicycle is painted all white and locked to a street sign near the crash site, accompanied by a small plaque." They are unfortunately contentious for a number of reasons: they may help reinforce the notion that cycling is more dangerous than other modes of transport, and/or not being active at all; they may interfere with the family's or loved one's ability to mourn privately and eventually heal; they are more of a political statement than a true memorial; and, prosaically, a denial of a parking space for a living cyclist. To date, 7 cyclists have died in Victoria this year, pedestrians, 39, motorcyclists, 47, drivers and passengers, 177. All the world's a stage, but the road is a sadist's canvas.

Now let's find out about the lucky couple, and their emotional connection to the humble velo.



"Hayden built a rotary for him and his groomsmen to arrive in." For 30K. Omg he totes built that car for the wedding so romantick <3 <3 <3

And the bride? Did she teeter and totter to the altar, and did she have to wear a helmet?



Did she fuck.

I'd be surprised if they didn't make it official by bottling a cyclist on the way home. Mazeltov!

Playing Devil's Advocate for the moment -- perhaps one of them had a friend or family member lost to a cycling fatality. If they found time for Dr Seuss in the ceremony, surely they would have mentioned something like that. More likely, the POS bike kicking around at Rippon Lea got rattle-canned by the photographer's assistant when they realised it clashed with Natasha's organza, which I hope, incidentally, that Hayden managed to summon later that evening. Wacky-boing etc.



COME AND HAEMORRHAGE MONEY LIKE A CYCLIST ON YOUR BONNET PISSES BLOOD

From "Oh, the Places You'll Go":

I’m sorry to say so
but, sadly, it’s true
that Bang-ups
and Hang-ups
can happen to you.

In all srsns, I wish Natasha and Hayden a long and fruitful marriage -- and hope their kids get bikes for Christmas. But Cosmo Bride? I didn't see them cruisin' nowhere on page 174.

It has come to the attention of the MCCCP that there is a bike rack leafleting campaign underway on Swanston St and in the CBD. We denounce any form of environmentally hostile and socially irresponsible advertising such as this, and remind the perpetrators of their obligations when bill posting. It would be irresponsible of the MCCCP to neglect to point out that this activity has been brought to the attention of the EPA in the past. One hopes that they weren't leafleting from their bicycles -- if cyclists crave equality on the road so much, perhaps this equality can be demonstrated through the use of the EPA's vehicle littering website.

It ranks as a new low in bungled marketing after a recent spate of footpath and bike lane defacement across Melbourne that still remains visible, despite assurances that it has been removed. Canning St and the Edinburgh Gardens still bear the scars of this group's misguided and uncoordinated vandalism. At least the hopefuls in the BV board elections used chalk and not chalk paint!

Perhaps these litterers should instead look inward to find the reasons the polo ranks in Melbourne have suffered such attrition in recent months. We'd hate to think that bikes need 'No Junk Mail' signs to avoid being pestered like this, and again ask exactly how this kind of irritation serves anything more than to appease perpetually bruised egos and fuel inextinguishable narcissism.

LondonFGSS, London BFF

Just received the LondonFGSS newsletter #3. Of interest:

T-Shirts

These things have sold and are continuing to sell like the proverbial hot cakes.

Over half of the stock was sold in the first week or so, and SJS Cycles have already reported that some size combinations are now sold out.

The designs are limited, so there will be no more once they're gone and if you're in any way tempted you're urged to get on over to the site and order some before you miss your chance.

View them here:

http://www.londonfgss.com/tshirts/

Order them here:

http://www.sjscycles.co.uk/src/lfgss/category-T-Shirts-925.htm

I was curious to see that 'POC' was manufactured by a different vendor - might have something to do with the explicit content! Rumor has it that three 'Penguin' shirts have made it down to Melbourne - The League of Extraordinary Penguins shall rise again!

In the BFF media release for London, it seems their polo tournament will only run for one day. Of course, why would it take more than one day to run a tournament? Only the self-indulgent and attention-starved would ask for more than one day to demonstrate their sport. Keeping it to one day allows players and enthusiasts to take part in or spectate at the other events and activities presented by the rest of the cycling community - that is, if they're interested.

Bicycle Film Festival

Here's the press release:

Beginning September 23, and hosted at the Barbican Centre, the festival will screen several programs that reflect the diverse experiences involving the bicycle. Highlights from this year include: Where Are You Go directed by Benny Zenga and Brian Vernor, I Love My Bicycle: The Story of FBM Bikes directed by Joe Stakun, and The Third Wheel directed by Brian Schoenfelder.

The London festival will also feature a variety of bike rides and events surrounding the screenings. Thursday the 24th features an opening party at the Barbican with DJ Sam Young. Friday evening, a night of Roller Racing presented by Rollapaluza @ Bethnal Green Working Mens Club, and a Bike Polo Tournament on Sunday the 27th.

Saturday the 26th of September will play host to a variety of rides, including a Rapha ride, and Carhartt BMX street jam, with professional BMX stars from across the country participating.

All BFF events are open to the public and participation is widely encouraged.

Details:
http://www.londonfgss.com/thread27124.html
http://www.bicyclefilmfestival.com/?p=london

And if you want to buy tickets in advance:
http://www.barbican.org.uk/film/series.asp?id=765&show=info

La Musica Tremenda

http://blip.fm/feebsquared

A good place to start a playlist discussion, after the shambles that was #Hottest100.

Мелбoрн Cиндикат Cвободная Cycle Polo

Мелбoрн (Melburn) Cиндикат (Syndicate) of Cвободная (Free) Cycle Polo

No fees, with voluntary contributions at the individual's discretion. Open fora.

Projects:

Bike-transportable court edging, made from low-CO2 or renewable resources, to enable the Cиндикат to play polo independent of recurring costs, and to be able to move to new locations quickly when they become available. Estimated cost < $300. Work is in progress

Rejuvenated bike sound system, incorporating collaborative online playlists from the Cиндикат

3. Other events designed to appeal to people who love their bikes too much to subject them to the rigours of polo

Coming Soon